Well, I guess it was a close thing. My blood numbers were not perfect, but the doctors confirred and decided to hook me up anyway – Hurrah! Craig and I sure were pleased.
Don’t know what happened to that congenial chemo group that I’ve been so happy with! The afternoon group is a mess. I no sooner hooked up my earphones to practice my new guided meditation tapes then the group launched into a spirited gripe-fest about politics. They sounded so angry that, when I opened my eyes and looked around, I was surprised to see how happy they all looked. Obviously this kind of conversation is what they enjoy. Me, on the other hand….. well, the guided meditation wasn’t going so well. I boosted the volume and dimly heard, “Breathe deeply and as I count to 10 you will feel yourself relax deeper and deeper“. So I tried breathing deeper and boosting the volume some more. “1, 2, 3…” she yelled.
Giving up, I tried switching to some spirited jazz. Boosted the volume all the way up (damn the hearing loss!). This worked momentarily, then the chemo group really got excited about something – I think they had gotten back to the assassinations of the 60’s (a subject I’d just as soon not revisit), especially not while having chemo poisons dripped into me! My nurse paused by me and I hissed, “Can I sit somewhere else?” “What about the lobby”, she suggested.
So up I got, wrapped my fist around the stand holding my chemo drips and down the hall and out into the lobby I went. Man, was I mad! Set myself up in a lobby chair, wrapped my fleece ‘happy’ blanket around my legs, plugged my earphones back in, shut my eyes…..and in about an hour I was beginning to breathe normally.
The good news is that after a terrific night of sleep I awoke this morning happy as a kid, feeling great and hungry for breakfast. All my fury from yesterday vanished. And the whole day has been like that! Good energy, happy mood – didn’t even notice the cold, dismal day – and no need for any naps. Go figure!
OK, so now please start to root for Chemo #9 – THE LAST ONE FOR NOW!!! Scheduled for the morning of Wednesday, April 4. Pray, cross your fingers, wish – what ever method of hope you employ, please use it to hope for the blood work on April 4 to allow for Chemo #9 to happen as scheduled. A neighbor is lending me her sound-blocking headphones for that day!
So glad you got through your 8th chemo alright. One more to go! I know you can do it! Just talk to your blood; make it listen!
I’ve been trying to do exactly that through guided meditation. Do you do any of that, Paula?
you could try an audiobook next time maybe? those noise cancellation headphones are pretty good. i tried a pair once and they really block out EVERYTHING! the problem is that – living on a boat, i just don’t want to be completely dissociated from everything going on around me, you know? the other thing was that the headphones i tried on were a bit on the heavy side and that was distracting.
one more to go – if you’re even borderline, they might let you squeak through 🙂
Hope you are right about if I am on the borderline! Mentally I am done with chemo and have moved onto prepping for the next step: Surgery. I am practicing relaxation techniques and listening to guided relaxation tapes on my Nano. It is very interesting stuff. I would like to present to surgery with a calm, relaxed body. Oooooooooommmmmmmmmm. 🙂
I have to visualize various ‘safe’ or ‘transcending’ places. Here is one that I know you’ll be able to relate to:
I am sitting on the portside helm seat on Cloud Nine with the side door slid open. The water is creaming under the hull sending up a foamy wake. I look deep into the bubbles flying off the top of the hull wave. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
It’s kinds cool, kiddo. Great image.
Pffff….you have had quite some afternoon last Wednesday. One more chemo to go, so let’s hope your blood will be okay next Wednesday. We are crossing our fingers for you Tammi. You go for it!!!
We’re pulling for you!
Craig and Donna Lewis
Have read all your blogs…what a trooper you are and a fantastic writer. I am praying mightly for your next kemo treatment and your return to good health. Can we go to lunch when I get back to Vermont???
Dear Anne,
Glad to hear #9 is over. Praying that all goes well and God can still work the miracle where surgery may not be necessary. But, we know He also uses doctors, so He will direct the path you will take and we will trust that you are in His Capable Hands.
Love you Anne and you are in my daily thoughts and prayers.
Janice